Sunday, August 5, 2012

Don't You Trust Me?

I watched a movie yesterday, "We Bought a Zoo" with Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. Without giving away any of the story, the plot was a young widower and his kids trying to make a fresh start following the death of their wife and mother. Each of them was grieving her in their own way and hurting deeply. Some of them were not handling it well at all.

It made me think of my own family and how they might handle my death, if I should lose this cancer battle. I am perfectly content with going home to the Lord. I look forward to my new body and a new address in heaven, seeing my deceased believing loved ones, and seeing Jesus. I'll be in a better place with no more suffering or tears. Who wouldn't be fine with that? But I have always worried about how my family would get along without me and how they would handle my passing. It's in those thoughtful, heartbreaking moments when the Lord quietly whispers in my ear, "Don't you trust Me?"

I went through a similar situation nearly 20 years ago when doctors found an AVM (arteriovenous malformation) in my brain, a potentially fatal condition. I considered treatment options and made out my will, just in case. My sons were 4 and 8 years old at that time and I couldn't imagine them growing up without their mommy. While Satan tortured me with those agonizing thoughts, the God of the universe quietly countered my fears with "Don't you trust Me, Erin?"

In this crazy busy world we get so caught up with doing things and handling them ourselves without ever seeking the Lord or realizing that He's in control. At home, I'm one who organizes and handles things. I'm in charge of reading instructions and directing assembly of things. As the only female in the house, I'm always the one depended on to help find lost items (Mom! Have you seen my ---?). And I am the head peacemaker, translator, and negotiator between my men when an argument occurs.  AND I'm the only one who knows how to fold fitted sheets! What in the world would they all do without my help, guidance, and wisdom?

 Oops. I really let my ego get carried away when I entertain thoughts like that. I know that God is loving and all-powerful. He is large and in charge. I can trust Him with all aspects of my own life, but releasing the care of my beloved family completely into His hands and letting go?  That is really tough, but ultimately I know I can trust Him with them too. I think about how deeply, deeply I love them and then I try to compare that to Jesus' love for them -- I know He loves them even infinitely more that I do, and gave His life for them, so of course I can release them into His Hands and trust Him to take care of my family if I'm not around.

My favorite lesson on trusting God is the story of Peter walking on water with Jesus in Matthew 14:22-32 . Peter was doing just fine as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, but when he started checking out the wind and waves around him, he started to sink until Jesus took his hand.

I was listening to a radio program the other day on which the host told about her recent cesarean childbirth. It had been her greatest fear come true, and she too had heard the Lord had ask her "Don't you trust me?" She did, and everything turned out fine. So often God uses our greatest fears or the things (or people) that are most precious to us in order to teach us to trust Him.

Ok, Lord, I'll trust You.


  1. I think of this often & keep praying if we should lose you that God will give all of us strength to carry on. We have had the blessing of spending quality time together & expressing our love for each other & love as a family. Having that time I can only thank God for that honor. Erin, I can only say that your strong belief in God has only made my belief stronger & i now know God is on charge & he only knows our outcome. As corney as it sounds I try to take one day at a time. My only purpose is to make life as best as it can be for you. I am so grateful for all your Love you have given myself, our sons & everyone you have come in contact with. You have impacted so many lives & for that God is smiling at you and will welcome you with open arms. We have been blessed on so many ways & our friends have been so supportive it is overwhelming! Do not worry about us. God will be with our family forever. Thank you for sharing your thoughts through these Blogs. It had meant a lot to me & as you see.... Others.... We all Love you & pray for a healthy Erin & long life!!!

  2. Thank you for sharing this Erin. It is good timing for me. Sometimes I try to do things on my own with my own will and I find that I don't get very far. I need to let go and let God, you are right he is in control and he will make a way where there seems no way. Your words are refreshing and quenching. Thank you!

    Love Kim

  3. This is beautiful Erin....thank you so much for sharing. You have been my inspiration before, during, and after my spine surgery. You are so right that we need to trust God, and His choices for our lives. I need to learn to be still, and know that He is God. I was terrified before my surgery....I prayed and prayed that I would make it through...mostly for my only child, Dylan....I felt that he couldn't make it without me. Dylan is a very strong Christian which God reminded me of. In the last hours before my surgery....I felt completely at peace...and knew I would make it. I was no longer afraid. I would have been happy to join God in Heaven...but knew it wasn't my time yet. I pray for you and your family Erin. You are such a beautifully strong woman. God Bless you. Sandy

  4. Erin, you are truly amazing! Thank you for sharing your beautiful self with me. You are a true inspiration to so many.Your faithfulness is awesome!!